You Can Keep Your "Heirloom" Tomatoes

 


I live in Florida in U.S.A. In Florida it is summertime and has been
since mid-April. Daytime highs (Farenheit) in mid-to-high 80's,
overnight lows mid-60's to mid 70's. Leafy cool season crops, save the
fall-planted collards that continue to struggle against the
near-tropical sun (it's rollin' around Hebbin all day right up there
close enough to touch, y'all) are gone, long gone. My late planting of
my beloved "Little Marvel" "English" peas is thriving, in full
inflorescence and due for its first picking tomorrow, but I know that
the peas will be drab and bland simulacrae of their lovingly sweet and
flavorful Autumn and Spring brethren. That it is summertime, there is no
doubt. The peppers, eggplant, cowpeas, okra, lima beans, summer squash
and cukes are thriving. So are my indeterminate tomatoes, including
those that had been so brutally retarded by the Garlic Millstone of
2010. The Millstone, btw, is in the fridge en route to the compost. I
shall cultivate garlic no more forever. For the semi/il-literate, that's
a paraphrase. Google "chief Joseph" or "trail of tears" and all shall be
revealed.
     This year, influenced partly by the unceasing hyperbole issuing
from the multitude of politically correct "Save the World" Luddites and
Universal Paranoiacs (who, I suspect do not actually garden but just
write about it), as well as, partly by the fact that the damned things
were just sitting there at Sherwood's, looking all sweet and pretty at a
substantially reduced price, I forewent my trusty tried-and-true utterly
reliable friend, the former "Burpee's" Big Boy inderminates, in favor of
the highly-pimped and faddish "Brandywine" heirloom variety. Mistake.
These sonsofbitches have been sitting there, eating my dirt, ever since
overnight lows were reliably above 50 degrees (Farenheit, remember?). I
could look in my diary for an exact date but really don't care. Neither
do you. How did I know that? Those suckers have been in full
inflorescence and eating my high-dollar organic amendments since early
April. This is nearly mid-May (I was married to "April" and she did;
boy, did she. Read for comprehension and you'll get it.): By now, I
should be eating tomato sandwiches, provided that I could persuade my
mate to leave some fruit on the vines to ripen instead of
frying-stewing-pickling them as greenies. But, no-o-o-o: These suckers
surely are pretty but they ain't making no 'maters! What blossoms the
grasshoppers don't cut off simply fall off. Which leads to further
commentary regarding the efficacy of neem oil against the feeding habits
of grasshoppers (NOT!) as reported by delusional gardeners and by
purveyors of neem oil. In fact, IME, the primary benefit of neem oil
seems to be the lining of the pockets of neem oil merchants; but, I
digress... At any rate, as of -->today<--- nutrients and pH in the
tomato beds are optimal. I suspect the highly-touted "blossom drop"
induced by high temperatures to be the problem, if any.
    I have my eye on a few blossoms, of which the coronas wilted today:
If those suckers don't have pearl-sized green tomatoes on them by
Saturday, into the compost they go. I then shall pay some exhorbitant
price for "Big Boy" specimens that are far too mature for my preference
just so that I'll have _some_ kind of tomatoes to get me into the summer
and autumn. I mean, those chickenshit "Celebrity" one-offs will be gone,
long gone, by mid-June and then what: No tomatoes in the garden? Maybe.
Wouldn't be the first time. Some years, I don't even mess with them. But
still, at US$3.99/# in the stores....
    This then is a warning to those who might be gulled by the romance
-- not to mention the relentless propaganda of misinformed enthusiasts
-- of adopting old and deservedly obsolete, so-called "heirloom"
varieties into their gardens: When doing so, you also are adopting that
great host of maladies, susceptibilities, deficiencies and defects that
provoked the development of those evil hybrids in the first place.
BT
AR
--
the Balvenieman
running on single malt
USDA zone 9b
"You know what they say: Once you kill a cow,
You gotta make a burger" --Lady Gaga

 

balvenieman@invalid.net says...


The only problem we've ever had with tomatoes comes with the weather.

We grow several varieties of heirloom tomato including Brandywine and in
a good season they are all good producers. (zone 5 Ontario Canada).

 


There is a clue in the babbling style of your rant that you are venting your
emotions and not likely to make much sense.  Another clue is in your
complete misunderstanding of the development and origins of hybrids and
heirlooms.  The clincher is that your standards of logic and testing are
really inadequate.

You tell us that you tried one cultivar from one supplier in one location in
one season and therefore all heirloom vegetables are obsolete.  My kelpie (a
type of cattle dog) is smarter than that.

So here is an alternate warning.  Gardening requires good observation and
judgement and a willingness to try things to see what will succeed in your
situation.  You are balancing many variables and not all are known or fully
understood.  If you expect it to be entirely predictable and for every trial
to be a success you should try another hobby.

David

 





I thought kelpies were sheepdogs.

 

wrote:


Not so! In the US they are mostly cattle dogs because all the sheep
vote...
--
Mr.E